women cook, men BBQ (and billy tea)

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"

one thing that's certain about tossing a bunch of hardened criminals to ferment on an island/continent, and leaving them to their own devices, is you are unlikely to get clubs of teabag collectors or doily crocheters.

rather you get real man tea! burn-yourself-to-a-beetroot-red-if-you-mess-up-tea, hard core knock a roo over the head with that tea, BILLY TEA!

Polly doesn't put the kettle on this one, in fact, Polly better clear of and get her man a cold one before she looses her eyebrows.

this is is the tea version of the BBQ, and its easy to get right if you have the cahanes (not sure how you spell those).
1. simply hook a billy (can with handle) filled with water over a fire, bring to a boil
2. throw a fistful of tea leaves into the billy
3. let it simmer around for couple of minutes
4. extricate billy from fire using welding gloves, rags, wifes old skirt, whatever stops you melting.
4. (now for the fun) to get your tea leaves to the bottom of the billy, and easy to pour off, start swinging the boiling hot tin in a large arc, hoping that newton had it right and let the centrifugal force keep the brew in the pot.

pour into fine china HOOHA!

Yixing and Oolong - the idiot guides

although arguably the best oolong tea comes from Taiwan, the best pot for the job comes from China. Yíxīng tea pots refer to the small decorative, unglazed teapots that sell at astronomical prices. kuk and betaal for the best, only if you have something worth putting into it. for everyone else you can pick up a crappy imitation one at your local "China town",

There is much rambling about which pot to use for which grade/origin of oolong tea, but here is my idiots guide to Yíxīng teapots.

As a rule of thumb the lower grown or "rougher" the oolong tea, the "rougher" your pot should be. more absorbent pots will help to absorb astringency in the tea. smoother oolongs tea require less tampering around with, and one can happily choose even a glass pot, or fine gaiwan for prep' that wont be absorbent at all. try not to mix your pots and teas, if you can keep a dedicated pot per tea type. that way you will get a great cup of oolong instead of a drink that is more confused than David Bowie.

When judging the quality of Yíxīng teapots the following can be done:

• Tap the pots lightly together: the ceramic should make a distinctly metallic sound.


• Look at the fit of the lid into the pot, it should be flush and appear seamless.


• Fill the pot with water, place the lid on, and begin pouring the water. it should pour smoothly


• While pouring, place your finger over the hole on the lid, this action should stop the flow of water immediately and completely if the lid is well fitted.

Yíxīng teapots come in a number of colour shades, and you can even pick up a beautiful purple one if you are lucky. As the clay from the region gets depleted expect the cost to go up.

prep' for your Yíxīng teapot

Like a marriage, a new pot must be gently introduced into the relationship. one would not cock a leg and blast out a cloud of noxious vapours at a new bride any more than one should unceremoniously begin stuffing their pot with tea.

fist submerge your pot in cool, clean water. then bring the water up to a boil. the longer you expose your pot to this, the darker it will become.

later your pot will become as impervious to your slap dash preparations as your centennial wife is to your stained Y fronts and foul smells. gently does it.